Don’t react, Just respond

Source: Speaking Tree: 2Jan11

Negative Core Beliefs:

A lot of painful situations occur in our lives leaving us with bad memories. Some of these situations remain unresolved. These cause negative core beliefs.

In the present, when such a painful memory is triggered, we feel overwhelmed and automatically react in defense. The reaction could be in two ways:
· Over-react – This results in a overflow of emotions out of proportion with the situation. An aggressive reaction impacting people around us. This would provide momentary relief but would cause guilt in future.
· Under-react – We shut down what we are feeling. This reduces the intensity of the reaction or completely hides it.

What is the way out?

We have to face the negative core beliefs. The only way out of emotional pain is to pass through it. We must face our fears, pure and simple. Our anxiety around those fears is almost always much worse than facing the fears themselves.

When we are forced to face them, they can feel much like quicksand. When we struggle against them, it can seem as if we are being suffocated in painful emotions. We can genuinely improve our lives, however, by allowing that stored emotional baggage to complete its journey through us, thus bringing closure to the incidents that caused it. How do we handle a negative reaction from our side?

React deliberately; Control the response:

It is ok to feel anything. We can’t always help it if someone hits an insecurity we have and invokes anger, sadness, or some other feeling. But we do have the opportunity to control how we respond. Our jailer, reactivity, is also our path to freedom. By acknowledging our reactivity and how we maintain our dramas, we have the opportunity to examine, and ultimately, let go of, the negative core beliefs that empower them.
When we can stay in the moment with our reactivity instead of losing control of ourselves, we have the chance to objectively look at the negative core beliefs driving it all. To do this, we need to stay present with those painful, anxiety-charged emotions our reactivity has been hiding for us. In doing this, we are often moving against what our instincts scream for us to do. Any time we feel something painful, we instinctively want to move away from it. This is especially true for emotional pain. The key is to simply hold whatever we are feeling in our awareness instead of mentally gripping it through resistance or denial. We need to fully accept that we feel angry, frightened, sad, guilty, or whatever else we might be experiencing. In allowing these emotions to process, we can finally begin to let go of that emotional burden.